3 Things Getting In The Way Of Your Goals

Are you noticing yourself constantly setting goals and deciding that "tomorrow" is the day that you're going to step up and make changes in your life? And then it doesn't really happen, so you get caught in a shame spiral and feel worse? Here are some things that could be getting in the way:

1. All or Nothing Thinking
   
   When we think in extremes, absolutes, or "always and nevers," this is all or nothing thinking. For example, say you are going to start eating healthier and practicing daily journaling Monday, but by 4pm you realized you haven't done either. The pattern tends to be, "well I already failed at this goal, therefore theres no point in trying. Might as well start next week." Then you eat in a way that doesn’t feel good and don't journal the entire week and just push the cycle back. THAT is inhibiting your progress. If it's 4 pm on a Monday, you still have hours left in your day!!! You can choose to make dinner your nutritious meal of the day. You can choose to journal in the evening. If the same thing happened on a Wednesday, why does that mean your whole week is messed up? Start NOW. Once you break the all or nothing cycle and start seeing the gray and creating balance, THAT is when you make changes. Journaling twice in the week is better than none. Eating a healthier meal 1/8th of the day is better than none. It does not have to be 100% or complete failure. Especially perfectionists can think this way naturally. Or see things as “good” vs “bad”

2. You are setting huge, unachievable goals.
   
   Often I hear clients saying that they are going to get their sleep schedule back on track because of the impact on emotion regulation, mood, anxiety, stress, etc. Which is something I always recommend. But when they talk about how- they say I'm going to get in bed at 9pm and get a full 8 hours of sleep. Sounds great right? Well when we look at where they are currently at, going from a 1 am time and 5hrs of sleep to 9pm is just not realistic. It almost sets us up to fail. Similar to looking at the gray- make your goal SMALL, and achievable. Go from 1 am to 12 am. This is something you can actually do. Once you follow through for a few days or weeks, THEN lower it down again. This is how we make sustainable progress.
   Another example: working out! If you are someone who hasn't worked out in 5 years, telling yourself you're going to go the gym 3 times a week is not realistic. When I first started I went once a week, then twice, then 3-4. So instead start smaller: go for a 20 min walk each day. If that's too much do 5 minutes!! It sounds easy, but you following through with that will not only create a positive change, it'll bring on the motivation to do more. You did something consistently and showed up for yourself. That feeling alone brings joy, brings excitement and thats whats going to fuel true changes and progress.

3. Not Listening To Your Body and Being Rigid
   
   Once you've created a habit or a ritual and you've learned to love it, that doesn't mean you have to stick with it every single second of the day. Consistency is key, but so is flexibility. LISTEN to your body, your mind, your soul. If you've been walking every day for a week, or gone to the gym 3 times and told yourself you're going to go 4, but you wake up exhausted and sore and don't have it in you- That is okay! Take the rest day!!! Your body will thank you and you'll be way more excited than doing walk or work out. Same goes with mental health.
   
   Let's say you've been kind of lonely all week and you decide that for self care you're going to accept a request for plans with a friend. But the day of, your energy is drained and the thought of socializing brings you dread. Making yourself go, despite wanting to, is no longer self care. Cancel the plan, say no, and change up what you had in mind that day. The more you become attuned to yourself, the more you will properly care for yourself.
   
   This is what I like to teach and talk about when I coach. Breaking these patterns, flexibility and self-discpline, and overall balance.
   
   These three things all or nothing thinking, creating big unachievable goals, and not listening to your body will only drain your energy, detract from progress, and deny yourself the care it needs. Show yourself that you can take care of your needs, build trust with yourself, and ultimately you will make long term sustainable progress that will lead to joy, strengthen the relationship with yourself, and even build confidence.